Funny Whatsapp Status

If you are looking for Funny Whatsapp Status then you are on right place. We are giving you the most hilarious whatsapp status ideas in following lines. it will give your friends a laughter blast. So don’t hesitate to make these your talking text on whatsapp profile.

Note:Some funny Whatsapp Status may not suitable for minors. :)

1 ) I hate men but I’m not lesbian.
2 ) Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
3 ) Success is like being pregnant everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you got fucked to get there.
4 ) When someone says, “You’ve Changed”, It simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way.
5 ) If you can’t convince them, Confuse them.
6 ) Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
7 ) Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror :P
8 ) Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
9 ) If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.
10 ) A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”
11 ) People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason. ;-)
12 ) God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P
13 ) I drink to make other people interesting.
14 ) Some people are alive only, Because it’s illegal to kill them.
15 ) I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.
16 ) I used to be an atheist, But then i realized i’m God.
17 ) Nothing is over until you stop trying.
18 ) If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.
19 ) Sometimes you succeed…. and other times you learn.
20 ) WARNING!! I know karate …..and some other words!!!
21 ) Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
22 ) Be a good person, But don’t try to prove.
23 ) You Don’t Know Something? Google It. You Don’t Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can’t Find Something? Mom!
24 ) I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card
25 ) My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”
26 ) Whenever i think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
27 ) Do you ever just lie on knees and thank god that you know me and my intelligence???
28 ) Read books instead of reading my status!
29 ) Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.
30 ) I don’t have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.
31 ) If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
32 ) You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf.
33 ) I talk to myself because i like dealing with a better class of people.
34 ) I am not failed……My success is just postponed.
35 ) Some people should just give up at engineering( or medical) ………i have.
36 ) “Success” all depends on the second letter.
37 ) If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives.

38 ) AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
39 ) When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
40 ) A book-store is only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
41 ) Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
42 ) You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
43 ) I am so poor that i can’t pay attention in class.
44 ) Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
45 ) she’s so fake, if you look behind her neck. I bet it says “Made in china”.
46 ) Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
47 ) I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
48 ) When nothing goes right..!! Go left.
49 ) When everything comes your way.. Then you are on the wrong way.
50 ) If I’ve learnt anything from mayans then it’s that  ..Not finishing a project is not the end of world.
51 ) Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
52 ) Had a really great “Night Out” last night, According to my police report.
53 ) Totally available!! Please disturb me!!��
54 ) I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.
55 ) There are three sides to an argument – your side, my side and the right side.
56 ) Born to express not to impress.
57 ) Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
58 ) How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
59 ) You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.
60 ) I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.
61 ) A black cat passing by the crossroad can stop hundreds of people what a RED LIGHT on traffic signal has failed to do for long time!!
62 ) My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
63 ) Warning…I know KARATE…….And few other oriental words.
64 ) Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.
65 ) That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another.
66 ) I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
67 ) Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
68 ) If you’re talking behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass!
69 ) Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead. 
70 ) If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make one of them pretty!
71 ) Oh, So you wanna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
72 ) In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.
73 ) When i was born..Devil said..”Oh Shit..!! Competition”.
74 ) Save water drink beer.
75 ) FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
76 ) If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above them’.
77 ) Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guy[/quote] 78 ) I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side Now.
79 ) If you can’t convince them, Confuse them.
80 ) sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason.
81 ) It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world each day fit exactly the length of newspaper
82 ) Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
83 ) Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
84 ) Hey there whatsapp is using me.
85 ) The road to success is always under construction.
86 ) Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
87 ) Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
88 ) a lie is just a great story ruined by truth.
89 ) Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you don’t care, than to admit it’s killing you.
90 ) When it’s you against me, you either win or you die!!!
91 ) Can’t talk, telepathy only!
92 ) The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
93 ) You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it.
94 ) I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.
95 ) I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
96 ) Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish
97 ) Read more:
98 ) I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.
99 ) 80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.
100 ) If at first, you don’t succeed..Keep flushing.
101 ) Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
102 ) Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
103 ) I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.
104 ) My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
105 ) I’m not online, it’s just an optical illusion.
106 ) I love my job only when I’m on vacation
107 ) When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
108 ) I am always right, Once i thought that I am wrong, But i was wrong.
109 ) Person you love is 72.8% water.
110 ) In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
111 ) Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
112 ) Life is like photography, You use the negatives to develop.
113 ) Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
114 ) The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said.
115 ) When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
116 ) Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
117 ) I know i am something, Because god doesn’t create garbage.
118 ) The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
119 ) People say, you can’t live without love…I think oxygen is more important.
120 ) Whatever it is — I didn’t do it!
121 ) Everybody is so happy….I hate that.
122 ) Hey,you are reading my status again??
123 ) Silent people have the loudest minds.
124 ) Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
125 ) I’d rather have honest enemies than fake friends.
126 ) Don’t get a man(\woman) ,get a dog …they are loyal and they die sooner.
127 ) The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
128 ) light travels faster than sound…that’s why people appear bright until they speak.
129 ) life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
130 ) Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite.
131 ) I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog.
132 ) My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
133 ) Hmmmm…..Don’t copy my status
134 ) Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
135 ) Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
136 ) Not always “Available”.. Try your Luck..
137 ) I will win, Not immediately But Definitely.’
138 ) we men want the same thing from women that we want from underwear.Some support and some freedom.
139 ) The only tie success comes before work is in dictionary.
140 ) I Wonder What Happen’s When Doctor’s Wife Eats An Apple A Day ;)
141 ) Congratulations!!My tallest finger want to give you a standing ovation
142 ) Who care’s ?????………..I’m awsome
143 ) When I Show you a picture on my phone..don’t swipe left.don’t swipe right.Just look.
144 ) War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
145 ) His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
146 ) I love to walk in fog, Because nobody knows i am smoking.

Best Three Funny Whatsapp Status
147 ) When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say, why me? Just say, try me!
148 ) we live in the era of smart people and stupid people.
149 ) When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted.

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Есть такая услуга – добровольное медицинское обслуживание .
Она предполагает, что пациент платит небольшую сумму за то, что посещает врачей целый год бесплатно.
Однако соцопросы показывают, что лишь 3% жителей Санкт-Петербурга знают о такой услуге.
Почему так происходит?
Да потому что частным клиникам намного выгодней брать плату за каждый визит.
А если какой-нибудь сотрудник клиники посоветует добровольное медицинское обслуживание клиенту – это сулит ему увольнением.
Информация о ДМО уже вызвала кучу возмущений, после того как информацию об этом рассекретил один возмущенный врач.
Его уволили , после того, как он предложил ДМО постоянному клиенту.
Самое страшное, что информация по ДМО присутствуют в открытом доступе, просто натыкались на эту информацию только случайные люди.
Как отстоять свои права?
О правилах оказания такой услуги и обязанностях клиник можно узнать, сделав запрос в Яндексе: “добровольное медицинское обслуживание”.
Обязательно обслуживание, а не страхование.


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Есть такая услуга – добровольное медицинское обслуживание (или ДМО).
Она предполагает, что пациент платит небольшую сумму за абонемент и посещает врачей в течение года не платя за каждый прием.
Однако опросы показывают, что лишь 6% жителей города знают об этом.
Потому что клиникам выгоднее брать плату за каждый визит.
А если честный врач посоветует добровольное медицинское обслуживание клиенту – это сулит ему увольнением.
Эта информация уже вызвала кучу скандалов, после того как информацию об этом рассекретил один возмущенный врач.
Его уволили “по собственному желанию”, после того, как он предложил ДМО постоянному клиенту.
Самое невероятное, что информация по ДМО присутствуют в открытом доступе, просто находили на эту информацию только случайные люди.
Как отстоять свои права?
О правилах оказания такой услуги и обязанностях частных клиник можно узнать, просто вбив в Яндекс фразу: “добровольное медицинское обслуживание”.
Обязательно обслуживание, а не страхование.



Мало волноваться о состоянии здоровья своего малыша – необходимо делать решительные действия для его защиты. Причем доверить такой вопрос следует только лишь опытным проверенным педиатрам.
На сегодняшний день консультации персонального педиатра по карману далеко не многим гражданам России. А ходить по любому вопросу в поликлинику, выстаивать долгие очереди и подвергать чадо риску заразиться вирусами от других детей – тоже не вариант.
К счастью, многие частные клиники дают оформить программу Детского Добровольного Медицинского Обслуживания (ДМО), которая помогает за незначительную сумму денег купить полис на одногодичное обслуживание у врачей.
К сожалению, не многие осведомлены о данной услуге и продолжают лечить детей народными способами, выжидают длительное время в очередях и отдают большие деньги за посещения частных докторов.
А программа Добровольного Медицинского Обслуживания для детей позволяет:
” Бесплатно получить больничный лист по уходу за ребенком;
” Бесплатно обследоваться у индивидуальных врачей педиатров;
” Бесплатно или со скидкой проходить лечебные процедуры и диагностику;
” Лечить ребенка вовремя, качественно и без очередей.
Для того чтобы ознакомиться со списком клиник и условиями оказания услуг нужно вбить в поиск Яндекса или Google фразу: “Добровольное Медицинское Обслуживание”. После этого следует выбрать понравившуюся клинику и оформить договор.


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